Morons struggling to differentiate between things people are happy for you to know and things that are private

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After The Duke and Duchess of Sussex announced they are expecting a second child, morons across the country have made public their struggle in differentiating between things that people are happy to tell you, and things they would prefer kept private.

Simon William, a consummate moron from Basingstoke, told us, “Privacy is a binary thing, obviously. Either you keep absolutely everything private and never, ever put anything in the public domain, or every part of your life is fair game for anyone who might be interested.

“Once you make one thing public, you can’t then decide other things aren’t public. That’s not how it works.

“It’s pretty simple, everyone gets it.  It’s black and white, even if you happen to be a bit of both.”

When it was pointed out that Williams had put photos of his last holiday on Twitter for public consumption, he seemed insistent this did not mean the public had a right to go through his bins and inspect his private correspondence.

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He went on, “No, that’s very different. I didn’t put those photos on Twitter for publicity, I did it so people would look at them and think I’d had a nice holiday and I could get nice warm fuzzies in my belly from the validation of strangers who are paying me attention.

“There is no reason why me putting some photos in the public domain in the hope people will see them, should make any difference to their access to what I do behind closed doors.

“No, it’s very different. Yes it is, shut up.”