Monday 15 February 2021 by Chris Ballard

I’m optimistic about lockdown easing, says man who said 2020 was going to be a ‘fantastic year for Britain’


Boris optimistic

Boris Johnson has worried the British public after claiming that he’s optimistic about being able to ease lockdown in March.

On January 1st 2020 the Prime Minister tweeted that ‘This is going to be a fantastic year for Britain’.

After a hundred thousand deaths and the biggest economic slump for three hundred years, Mr Johnson’s optimism remains undimmed.

But why is the overweight pastry brush always so positive about the future?

“Being consistently optimistic about things that don’t end up happening is a fascinatingly common trait in politicians,” said Psychologist Simon Williams.

“Let’s look at a few examples.

“One of Boris’ most infamous cases of optimism was that Brexit would mean an extra £350m a week for the NHS.

“This sort of optimism is what we call ‘lying.’ Or, to put it in technical terms, ‘talking bollocks for political gain.’

“Fast forward to December 2020 when Boris wanted to ‘save Christmas’ by pretending Covid didn’t exist for a few days.

“This sort of optimism is called ‘denial’ – the Prime Minister was simply pretending that X was Y in an attempt to make people like him.

“And now we have Boris saying he’s optimistic about the future of lockdown restrictions.

“This sort of optimism is called ‘distraction’.

“Boris’ aim is to give people a little hope so they’ll stop thinking about what an absolute shitshow he has written, produced and directed.

“Obviously politicians aren’t the only ones to be optimistic. I’ve spoken to many members of the British public who are optimistic about Boris resigning this year.

“Sadly, this sort of optimism is called ‘delusion’.”

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the best-selling T-shirt here!

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