The Chinese authorities have banned the BBC from broadcasting in the country because it’s ‘nothing but repeats’ and ‘terrible value for money’.
China will no longer permit BBC broadcasts after it was announced that the licence fee will go up by £1.50 a year from April.
“Obviously China doesn’t actually pay the licence fee,” said International Media Analyst Simon Williams. “But that’s beside the point for this very principled nation.
“I’ve spoken to people all over China and their message is pretty consistent – the BBC is terrible value for money. They feel it has too many repeats and that modern comedies simply aren’t a patch on Blackadder or Only Fools and Horses.
“I stopped to talk to a group of businessmen on the streets of Shanghai. They were extremely angry about the fact that low-budget daytime shows like The Repair Shop were now being shown in primetime slots. ‘Do they really think no one will notice?’ one livid textile manufacturer told me.
“A vendor in a remote rural wet market in Yunnan province pointed out that although Fleabag was very well written, it wasn’t particularly funny in the laugh-out-loud sense. ‘I don’t want Comedy-Drama, I just want to laugh,’ he said as he chopped up some bats for the lunchtime crowd.
“President Xi Jinping himself has long complained that the quality of acting and writing in EastEnders has deteriorated beyond all recognition since the glory days of Den and Angie.
“In a final blow to the BBC, Mrs Brown’s Boys was found to ‘seriously violate’ China’s state broadcast guidelines by being ‘complete and utter dogshit’.”
BBC Director-General Tim Davie said, “I don’t give a fuck what the Chinese think – they don’t even like Star Wars.”