200 arrested at M&S stores as battle for Valentine’s ‘Dine In’ meals starts early

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Up to 200 people have been arrested today at Marks and Spencer food halls around the country as the annual battle for Valentines ‘Dine In’ meals starts early for thousands of hopeless romantics.

With restaurants remaining closed on Valentine’s day this year due to lockdown restrictions, extreme demand for a pre-cooked duck with plum sauce and potato dauphinoise with a nice bottle of red has escalated into a number of violent scenes between men holding flowers across many parts of the country.

Store manager Lydia Holt from Ashton Under Lyne explains, “It’s carnage already.

Absolutely fucking mental, and we’ve still got two days left.

“Valentine’s day is always quite busy, with thousands of people trying to be all romantic by choosing a load of pre-cooked mains and side dishes to throw in the oven all at once before pouring it onto a plate for your partner and pretending you know how to cook.

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“But this year, because nobody in the country can go out, and everyone is bored shitless, the whole bastard world wants a special romantic meal deal.  Because nothing screams ‘king of romance’ quite like preparing your loved one an oven-ready ‘meal deal’, right?

“They are just all sad bastards if you ask me, queuing for hours just get a cheap deal, and a free bottle of wine. Pathetic.”

Asked what she will be eating herself on Valentine’s day with her own partner we were told, “M&S Dine, obviously, it’s in my car, I always get first dibs on the good stuff.”