Tuesday 9 February 2021

Whoever incited insurrection from Washington stage wore gloves that do not fit our client, insist Donald Trump’s defence team


Donald Trump impeachment trial to begin

Donald Trump’s defence team will today argue that Donald Trump could not have incited insurrection at the Capitol building because the man on stage doing just that was wearing gloves that do not fit Donald Trump.

Trump’s newly-appointed legal team led by David Schoen and Bruce L Castor – who we can only assume asked for payment up front – are set to outline a defence that shows it could not have been Donald Trump up on the stage inciting insurrection, despite the man doing so bearing a striking resemblance to the former President.

Schoen told reporters, “We are not arguing that the person on the stage on January 6th did not incite insurrection, because that would be stupid.  Everyone saw it. There is video.

“No, we will be defending Donald Trump with evidence that the person inciting insurrection was not him. It was someone else.  Someone with much smaller hands.

“We will show video of the man speaking at the even wearing these very gloves, and then we will ask the former President to try on these gloves, and when you all see that they do not fit, you will have to agree the man on the stage is NOT Donald Trump.

“If the gloves don’t fit, you must acquit!”

The argument is likely to be enough for just about every Republican Senator to find Trump not guilty, because that’s how the world works now.

However, one Republican Senator, Chuck Williams told us, “There are a lot of reasons I don’t believe his defence team, but most of all it’s because the very idea that there are a pair of gloves he can’t get his tiny hands inside is utterly absurd.”

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