Tuesday 9 February 2021 by Chris Ballard

Homeworker still managing to use snow as excuse not to do any work


man looking outside at the snow

A man who works from home on a laptop and has absolutely no need to venture outside is still somehow having a ‘snow day’.

Ah, snow days. Remember those? Heavenly long walks to the station because the roads are too dangerous for driving; blissful long waits for severely delayed trains; leaving the office an hour after arriving in order to get home ‘in case it snows again’.

Well, bloody homeworking has fucked all that right up, hasn’t it?

Perhaps not, as Finance Analyst Simon Williams still seems to be using the snow as an excuse to attain productivity levels of precisely zero.

“I’ve logged on and everything,” he said. “But because of the snow outside, I haven’t actually managed to do any work.

“Ooh, my tea’s lukewarm – better go and make a fresh one.

“Snow makes everything look really pretty doesn’t it? I’ll just stand at the window and have a little stare.

“Is the heating even on? I’d better go check the boiler, maybe whack it up a bit.

“Think I’ll just pop to the shop, get some nice soup for lunch, that’ll warm me up.

“Jesus, now I’m really cold. A nice hot bath will make me feel better.

“Ah, it’s too nice to get out!

“Right then, time to do some work!

“Tsk, they haven’t collected the bins. Should I report a missed collection or is it obvious that they’ll be coming when the snow clears?

“The snow really does make everything look pretty, doesn’t it?

“I’ll just put an extra jumper on, then I’ll be sorted.

“Okay, let’s make a fresh brew, then I’ll crack on with that financial model.

“Bloody hell, it’s far too cold to type!

“Is the heating even on? I’d better go check the boiler, maybe whack it up a bit.

“Might as well make a coffee as I’m down here.

“Blimey, five o’clock already. Where does the day go?”

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