Monday 8 February 2021 by Chris Ballard

Building snowmen voted best way to teach kids about disappointment, and here are the others


child unhappy in the snow

The construction of a really shit snowman is the best way to teach children that life is full of disappointments, according to parents.

How should you best prepare your offspring for just how disappointing life is?

From sex, to work, to how big their house will be, your children will inevitably be let down again and again as they march towards an undignified and not even vaguely meaningful death.

A new poll has revealed the top five ways parents believe will harden their kids to the ways in which life will grind them down. Psychologist Simon Williams talks us through the list.

5. Revealing Santa doesn’t exist

“You might have thought this would be number one but actually Christmas is inherently disappointing. Years of unwanted presents and family arguments will make the eventual big reveal far less of an event than you imagine.”

4. Explaining exactly what Dad does for a living

“Children want to be proud of their fathers. And they generally are – until they discover that Dad just plays around with spreadsheets for a living and gets bossed around by a manager ten years their junior.

“They want Dad to be a superhero but his greatest skill is actually breaking up the working day by having really long poos.”

3. Casually stating that Andy’s Dinosaur Adventures isn’t real

“Up until the age of five feel free to go along with the notion that your child will also be a time-travelling adventurer when they grow up. Then one day, without looking up from your phone, simply say that, ‘You know time travel isn’t really possible, don’t you?’

“Yes, they’ll break. But they’ll be a more resilient human being as a result.”

2. Make homemade pizza

“Kids love pizza! At least, they used to! Now they can just taste tomato and garlic and they feel physically sick.”

1. Building a snowman

“There are two factors at play here. The first is that snow days are rare and kids can’t help but get incredibly excited.

“The second is that film and television have created the unrealistic expectation that snowmen should be large and made of perfect spheres.

“When your child looks down at a carrot sticking out of a small pile of snow, their hands freezing cold inside their soggy gloves, something profound about just how disappointing life is will click deep within their soul.”

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