Friday 5 February 2021 by Chris Ballard

Homeschooling parents fantasise about quarantining alone in hotel room for ten days

homeschooling parents

Mums and dads all over the UK are wishing they could spend a quiet week or so watching telly and eating room service in an airport hotel.

As the government plans to start making international travellers from Covid hotspots quarantine in hotels, knackered homeschooling parents can only dream of such an escape.

“I’d like to start by making it very clear that I love my family,” said parent Simon Williams.

“I love my son when he comes into our room and jumps on my head at five-thirty in the morning.

“I love my daughter when she takes all afternoon to do some simple number bonds and I have to work until midnight to catch up with the day job.

“I love my wife when she says she’s too tired to watch anything so just sticks ‘The Real Housewives’ on for two hours.

“But wouldn’t it be nice to, well, not have to love them for a bit and just have some fucking peace and quiet?

“And when I say ‘nice’ I, of course, mean utter paradise.

“Eight hours solid sleep – hell, ten… twelve!

“Burger and chips delivered to my door every evening without any disapproving looks.

“As many ‘Movie’ charges on my bill as I like.

“Why?! Why am I trapped in this hell of commitment and responsibility?! Why can’t the authorities lock me away and force me to live a life where the only hardship is not being able to hear the telly when you boil the kettle?!

“Why can’t anything good happen to me just once in my miserable life?!

“I’d like to end by making it very clear that I love my family.”

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