Friday 5 February 2021 by Chris Ballard

Doorstep ‘Piss for Pints’ to take place in honour of beer lost during lockdown

piss on door in memory of lost pints

People are to ‘Piss for Pints’ at 1800 this evening in memory of the millions of pints lost due to pub closures.

An estimated 87 million pints of beer will be thrown away due to Covid-related pub closures. What better way to honour such a tragic loss than to stagger onto your doorstep and urinate everywhere?

“I originally came up with the idea as a silly joke but it just snowballed on social media,” said organiser Simon Williams.

“People are genuinely traumatised at the sacrifice of so much perfectly good beer and they want to show their appreciation in some small way.

“At six o’clock this evening I encourage everyone in the UK to open their front doors, unzip their trousers and piss liberally – just like you would after your sixth or seventh pint.

“I’m very keen for the event to bring communities together so when you’re shaking the drops off please do it in the direction of your neighbours while giving them a big smile.

“A little willy wave could work wonders for someone’s mental health in these difficult times, particularly for any elderly people living alone.”

The Prime Minister is expected to join in the ‘piss for pints’ by taking a slash directly out of the entrance to Number 10.

A Downing Street spokesman said, “Boris is already caning the water so that he’ll be able to put on a ‘jolly good show’ when 6pm comes around.

“To be honest, I don’t think he needs much of an excuse to get his cock out.”

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