Wednesday 27 January 2021 by Mark Molloy

‘We did everything we could’ says Boris, ‘to completely f*ck this up’

Boris did everything he could

The Prime Minister has today advised the nation, as the UK passes 100K deaths from coronavirus, that he has done everything he could during this whole pandemic, to completely fuck it up.

With the UK currently holding the highest death rate in Europe, and hospitals still at breaking point across the country, Boris Johnson has appeared before the nation to confirm to everyone that they really have done everything they could do… completely wrong.

Speaking earlier today he advised, “We really have done everything possible to completely fuck this up right from the start.

“I could, of course, list the many many failures that myself and the rest of the government have made in the course of the pandemic to show how hard we have tried to fuck it all up.

“But of course there are too many to mention here, to really get a grasp of everything we’ve done.

Asked to mention perhaps just one or two to highlight his point he told us “Well… test and trace, PPE, late on lockdown, masks, schools, eat out to help out, late on another lockdown, borders, Dominic Cummings, confusion, care homes, opening up for Christmas, closing down for Christmas, late on another fucking lockdown….. You know, that kind of thing.

“As I stated, we’ve done everything we can…”

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