Wednesday 27 January 2021

‘There was no way to predict this’ explains man to nation full of people who predicted this


Boris Johnson apologises for deaths

Boris Johnson has spoken of his regret at the 100,000 lives lost to coronavirus in the UK, insisting that there is no way anyone could have predicted this happening, seemingly unaware of the fact that millions of people predicted that precisely this would happen.

“I’m very sorry for the loss of life, but this is not something anyone could have predicted,” explained the prime minister to the nation, before thousands and thousands of people began pointing to their predictions from almost a year ago saying that this was precisely what would happen if the government response continued being completely shit.

Office worker Simon Williams told us, “I do accounts for a living, and I knew nothing about PPE or viruses twelve months ago, but by the middle of March it was clear to even me that if the government continued ballsing up the acquisition of PPE and avoiding the lockdown measures that were clearly necessary, then tens of thousands of people would die unnecessarily.

“Then, as cases started rising again in the Autumn, it became obvious to anyone with a rudimentary understanding of the principle of cause and effect that waiting too long to lock down for a second time would once again lead to thousands of unnecessary deaths.

“Then myself and millions of other people said any talk of relaxing the rules over Christmas would lead to thousands of unnecessary deaths, but they did it anyway.

“Then shortly after Christmas we pointed out that sending kids back into schools to mingle with each other while cases were so high would lead to thousands of unnecessary deaths – fortunately they realised their mistake, just 24 hours too late. Though on the plus side at least they are getting quicker at recognising a fuck up when they implement one.

“So yes, when they say no-one could have predicted this, I would politely point out they are talking out of their arses.”

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