Schools to be given two weeks’ notice before reopening, and a further four hours before closing again

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Schools in England will be given two weeks’ notice before reopening according to the education Secretary Gavin Williamson today, and then a further three to four hours before closing them again.

With primary and secondary schools remaining closed across the country, the government has reiterated its commitment today to reopen schools as soon as possible and with adequate notice to enable parents and teachers to fully prepare for the students return, before closing them shortly after with no notice whatsoever for anyone to prepare for anything.

Speaking earlier today education secretary Gavin Williamson advised, “We want to give schools a full two weeks’ notice before reopening because you need that sort of notice for such a significant change – and we also want to give them a full couple of hours or so notice before we close them again a week or two later.

“Everyone knows the impact having schools closed across the country has on our whole society, and everyone also knows the impact of having me in charge of the whole situation given the last twelve months of utter chaos in the education system”

“That’s why I want to provide to you today a clear understanding of the notice which will be given to parents and teachers when schools eventually reopen, and the complete lack of notice which will be given when we close them again.”

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Asked what the current plans are for testing pupils in schools, and vaccinations for teachers, and summer exams and teacher grading methods we were told, “Fuckinell, chill your beans, I’ve only just come up with this ‘two weeks’ notice’ thing.”

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