Thursday 21 January 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Disembowelling of Jared Kushner at Biden inauguration proves controversial

Jared Kushner disembowled

The Inauguration of Joe Biden took place yesterday in Washington DC, and was a largely celebratory affair with many hailing it as a return to normality for US politics.

In fact, it was only the ritual disembowelling of Jared Kushner that provoked any controversy at all.

“I don’t know, man. It was a pretty nice day, it’s great seeing Biden as President, and Kamala and everything but, you know, I just don’t know if we really needed Jared’s guts spilling out all over the Capital Building steps as he screamed in terror and pain,” said Simon Williams, a Democrat who travelled to DC to watch the event.

“It just kind of took the edge of the celebratory vibe of the day, you know?”

The disembowelling took place following a short performance by Bruce Springsteen and was billed as a ‘healing disembowelling to bring the country together’.

“I mean, yeah, let’s definitely disembowel Jared Kushner, I don’t think anyone has any kind of problem with that. It’s just, does it have to be live on TV? When kids could have been watching? Maybe they could have done it later that night or on a different day?” said Eleanor Gay, who watched the inauguration with her family at home.

“On the whole though, it was a pretty great day.”

It is understood the new Administration is planning further televised ‘healing disembowellings’ of Ivanka, Eric Trump, Ted Cruz, and Mike Pompeo throughout the week and culminating on Sunday when ex-President Trump will be burnt alive in a giant Wicker Man on the White House lawn.

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