Thursday 21 January 2021 by Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson promises fresh method of obsequious arse-licking towards Biden administration


Boris Johnson toadying to Joe Biden

The Prime Minister has stated it was time to move beyond the toadying he displayed for Donald Trump and that he was keen to grovel pathetically for a brand new president so as to maintain the cringe-inducing servility that the UK somehow thinks is a foreign policy.

Downing Street spokesperson, Simone Williams, said that a new administration automatically meant a different approach to having British ministers looks like snivelling toads desperately trying to curry favour with the school bully so they can be left alone.

She explained, “For decades, the UK has always been the USA’s most eager fluffer, regardless of who is in office.

“We will, of course, do whatever the new administration wants without question just for the chance of a photo-op in the White House that we will see as history in the making but they will record as a tedious chore wedged between a CIA briefing and meeting Girl Scouts.

“Sabotage international agreements, allow US officers’ wives to run over British children, persecute autistic hackers or destroy the NHS. Whatever they want, we will deliver. And in return, we expect the privilege of seeing swathes of Yorkshire turned into US soil and maybe some fat congressman from Idaho to occasionally quote Churchill.

“Oh, and it would be lovely if Joe could forget everything Boris said about him, Obama, women, black people and the Irish.”

The term ‘special relationship’ was coined after the 1982 White House lunch between Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher where the Iron Lady delivered a passionate 30 minutes speech praising the USA.

Ronald Reagan then responded with his now-famous “Yeah, sure. I agree with whatever mummified Mary Poppins just said. At what time am I meeting the Israeli ambassador?”

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