Wellerman delivery of sugar and tea and rum delayed due to Brexit

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The crew of the ship ‘Billy of Tea’ are going to have to wait a while for their delivery of sugar and tea and rum, it has emerged.

The crew of the ship, which has not yet been two weeks from shore and recently struggled to battle against strong winds, were eagerly anticipating the delivery of supplies, only to have been left facing delays due to post-Brexit supply chain difficulties.

Sailor Simon Williams told us, “This is such a disappointment. We had a nasty run-in with a whale yesterday, so we were looking forward to having a delivery of the three main elements of our healthy diet – sugar for energy, tea for alertness and rum to drown the sorrows of our lonely, lonely lives.”

He explained, “The whale smacked the side of our ship with her tail, gave us a right battering, I can tell you. So we harpooned her, but she pulled us around something terrible.

“I feel like we could be wrestling this thing for the next forty days or more, so we could really use those supplies, but we’re told that they’re all still sat in Dover and haven’t even been loaded onto a ship yet, due to all the forms. Bloody red tape.

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“We haven’t even had any chance to do the tonguin’ of it, whatever that is.”

Conservative MP and awful human Jacob Rees-Mogg downplayed rumours the delays were due to Brexit.

“The crew of the Wellerman must have simply filled out the wrong forms,” he told us.

“Nothing to do with Brexit at all.

“And the whale the sailors have caught is doubtless a British one, if they caught it in British waters, so I’m sure it will be happy to have been caught and will be completely compliant while they wait.”