Inauguration oath ends in chaos as confused Joe Biden vows to take the Chief Justice as his lawful wedded husband

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In what White House officials are calling an “unexpected but historic” incident, Joe Biden has accidentally married Chief Justice John Roberts after ad-libbing the presidential oath.

As usual, the Chief Justice was reading out the oath of office for the new president to repeat. However, in a subtle departure from the usual oath, Joe Biden swore “to support and defend the Constitution of the United States, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. I take you, Justice John Roberts, to be my lawful wedded husband. So help me God.

Before adding, “Now, when do I get to meet the president?”

The wedding was a short, understated affair, attended only by close family, the international press, and 20,000 members of the National Guard.

According to legal and constitutional experts, the marriage is legally binding. As Joe Biden is already married, he immediately became ineligible for the presidency on grounds of bigamy, and Kamala Harris will be sworn in as president tomorrow.

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Incoming-President Harris told reporters, “I was going to push Joe down the stairs in February but I suppose this works for me, too.”

Joe Biden will make a public address later today to look back over the highs and lows of his 30-second-long presidency and to announce his honeymoon plans, which insiders believe will see the bemused newlyweds take a fortnight-long cruise to the basement of Biden’s Delaware home.