Tuesday 19 January 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Donald Trump to pardon General Zod, Skeletor, and The Borg


Donald Trump to pardon skeletor

On his last day in office Donald Trump, President and halfwit, will issue a number of Presidential pardons to a variety of close friends including General Zod, The Borg and Skeletor.

“He came to the decision after having drinks with JR Ewing and Bane,” explained close friend Jafar.

“These are all good men or, in the case of Scar, lions, and so he wanted them issued with Presidential pardons for any and all their crimes before he left office.

“Throughout his life and career, President Trump has been influenced and inspired by the likes of Magneto and the Wet Bandits and as a man of honour, he jumped at the chance to offer his help.

“Well, I say ‘offer his help’, more ‘have an army of super-villains to help in his revenge against everyone he believes has wronged him this year’.”

Among others who will be receiving their Presidential pardons are Thanos, Pennywise the dancing clown, Draco Malfoy, Maleficent, Hannibal Lector, the T-100, Ivan Drago, the T-1000, Chucky, Megatron, Joffery Baratheon, Hans Gruber, Godzilla, Khan, Balrog, Biff Tannen, Shawshank Warden Norton and Gozer the Gozerian.

Surprisingly, though, one person he will not be issuing a pardon to is himself.

“No, Hannibal Lector was a serial killer and cannibal and The Borg wanted to assimilate every race in the universe, but they were, in some way, redeemable,” said Lex Luthor, who would also be receiving a pardon.

“Donald Trump, on the other hand…”

Enjoy inauguration day with mug of Delicious MAGA Tears!

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