Monday 18 January 2021 by Neil Tollfree

New YouGov poll reveals 41% of population happy to eat dog poo with ground-up glass in it


41% of people

A shock new YouGov poll has revealed that 41% of the UK population would be happy to eat dog poo with ground-up bits of glass in it.

“Yeah, I’d eat dog poo with ground-up glass in it,” said Simon Williams, a simpleton.

“I mean, I don’t know what these snowflakes are so bothered about. It’s just a bit of dog poo with glass in it. People just need to toughen up a bit.”

Somewhat inevitably, Mr Williams started going on about the war.

“When there was the war on, you didn’t hear people complaining about eating dog poo with ground-up glass in it, they were too busy being bombed to smithereens and simultaneously saving Europe from the Nazis.

“They’d have been grateful for some dog poo with ground-up bits of glass in it. So, I don’t think it’s too much to ask people nowadays to eat dog poo with ground-up glass in it.”

Mr Williams went on to say that given the choice between eating dog poo with ground-up glass in it and eating dog poo without ground-up glass in, he’d take the former.

“Bloody right, I would. Because we all know the alternative to dog poo with ground-up glass in it, don’t we? Higher taxes. Well, no thank you, I’ll take the dog poo with ground-up glass in it, if it’s all the same to you.”

Although the poll does show that the majority of the population would prefer not to eat dog poo with ground-up glass in it, that majority is sharply divided between those who would prefer to eat Mars bars and those who would prefer to eat Twixes, with many who enjoy Twixes seeing those who eat Mars bars as traitors to the cause of not eating dog poo with ground-up glass in it. And vice versa.

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