Friday 15 January 2021

Boris Johnson to conduct next live briefing via medium of sea shanty


Boris to sing briefing in style of sea shanty

Boris Johnson is planning to take advantage of the nation’s sudden fondness for sea shanties by singing his way through the next televised briefing to the nation.

Johnson, who has come under increasing pressure for leading a government that has set the bar for ‘national response to covid’ somewhere around ground level, is keen to see his message received more favourably by the public.

A Downing Street insider said, “He could, of course, just deliver the update in his normal ham-fisted manner and leave the nation feeling both frustrated and condescended to. Or, he can try singing it to a haunting melody and see if he can go viral on TikTok.

“We’ve had a few rehearsals, and he’s rhymed ‘drinking rum’ with ‘vaccine’s done’  and ‘ we sailed ashore’ with ‘obey the law’.  It’s a bit shit, but honestly, could it be any worse than any of the last ones he’s done?”

Voter Simon Williams told us, “I’m a sucker for a sea shanty, ever since I learned they were a thing on Tuesday – so yes, I’m very much looking forward to it.

“I’m guessing Matt Hancock will be singing a highly ineffectual baseline?”

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