Thursday 14 January 2021

Unlikeable harridan joins party of morons to promote issues of complete inconsequence


Katie Hopkins joins UKIP

Katie Hopkins has joined UKIP, in what many are hailing as the most inconsequential political alliance since anyone started measuring these things.

With Brexit now complete, and Hopkins banned from pretty much everywhere for espousing all manner of distasteful opinions, many have questioned what could be the purpose of such an unholy alliance.

A UKIP source told us, “Well, the fact we have already pretty much got what we wanted with Brexit means it’s probably very low risk to let Katie Hopkins join us.

“I mean, what’s the worst she could do? It’s not like she’ll lead us into accidentally rejoining the EU – she’s not Chris Grayling for God’s sake.

“And we are UKIP, so you know we’ll be looking for a new leader in the next few days, so she’ll probably want a go at the job – everyone else here has already had a period as leader.

“We’re like the Millwall of political parties, and she’s like the Millwall of political commentators – so it’s a marriage made in heave really.”

Critics have said that Hopkins joining the party is of little consequence, insisting that treating UKIP like a political force is like treating your child in the back seat with a steering wheel like a formula one driver. They think they’re involved, despite having no effect, but it keeps them quiet for a bit.

As one told us, “I don’t know what platform they’ll be promoting, but one would guess it’s something like ‘immigrants bad, death penalty good’ – or something similar.

“There was a time when Katie Hopkins joining UKIP might have made a bit of a splash in the political world, but these days it’s best summarised as the laughable joining the laughed-at for the nation’s entertainment, so let’s hope it brings us a few chuckles before it inevitably ends in flames sometime next week.”

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