Wednesday 13 January 2021 by Neil Tollfree

US Capitol Police to adopt hope-it-will-all-be-fine strategy for Inauguration day


Capitol police to hope for the best on inauguration day

US Capitol Police have announced that they will be adopting a hope-it-will-all-be-fine strategy for Inauguration day next week.

The strategy will mean that police officers will be deployed to various key sites around the capitol building where they will hope that it will all be fine.

“From a strategic and tactical point of view, we feel that the best policy for the President-Elect’s inauguration is to just hope that it will all be fine,” explained the acting Chief of Capitol Police, Mickey Mouse.

“We are expecting large and hostile crowds of Trump supporters in the Capitol on that day, but we aren’t really able to engage with them with any force as they will be mainly white, so hoping it will all be fine is, we think, the best strategy for the day.”

Mr Mouse called on members of the public to help the police.

“If everyone could join us in hoping that it will all be fine then that would be real helpful. The more people who hope it will all be fine, the greater the likelihood that it will all be fine. That’s just science.”

It had been suggested that a better strategic option, in the wake of events last week, would be a heavy and visible police presence throughout the streets of the Capitol for Inauguration day and the days leading up to it.

“Well, it’s a nice idea, but I’m a little short-staffed right now as I’ve got several hundred officers deployed to Tyson’s Corner Center because a black man was seen there walking quite near to a Mercedes.”

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