Tuesday 12 January 2021 by Harry Palmer

‘That’s all you get for thirty quid after Brexit’ confirm Chartwells


free school meals business spokesperson

The company contracted to provide free meals to school children has justified the meagre amount of food provided in their hampers by claiming that a few tins of baked beans and a couple of bananas are all you get for £30 in post-Brexit Britain.

“The claims that we are ripping off poor school children for profit is way off the mark,” says Chartwells executive and Tory donor, Simon Williams.

“The truth is that a few weeks back you could get all the food included in our hampers for a fiver but now due to the increase in food prices caused by Brexit, you won’t get much change out of 30 quid.

“Have you seen supermarket shelves lately? The kids are lucky to get any food at all, next week we’ll be padding our hampers out with Extra Strong Mints and some Brillo Pads.”

Meanwhile, the government has been forced to defend its decision to outsource the contract to a private company.

“We’re trying to strike a balance between providing a source of nourishment to underprivileged children in the middle of a pandemic, and tackling childhood obesity,” says Education Secretary Gavin Williamson.

“And what better way to do that than by passing responsibility to a private company with links to the Conservative Party and who exist solely to make profits. It’s a win-win.

“That said, I do take the criticism on board, and if parents think their kids aren’t getting a substantial meal then we’ll chuck in a Scotch egg for the little rascals too.”

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