Tuesday 12 January 2021

Man insists Boris Johnson’s performance should only be compared to alternate reality where Jeremy Corbyn won election


Man comparing Boris Johnson to fictional Jeremy Corbyn

A staunch supporter of the current government has today insisted Boris Johnson’s first full year in office since his general election victory should only be compared to a very specific alternative universe in which Jeremy Corbyn won.

According to Simon Williams, 58, there are no grounds upon which you can legitimately criticise the performance of Boris Johnson because the theory of the multiverse suggests there is an alternate reality where Jeremy Corbyn won and things are much, much worse.

Williams told us, “There is a universe out there where Jeremy Corbyn somehow won, and he has led the nation into full-on communism – where anyone who dares to question him is sent to the gulags, and where coronavirus has killed TWICE as many people as it has here.

“So, when you look at that as the alternative, you have to say that on reflection, Boris has done a pretty good job. Right?”

Meanwhile, critics of this position have insisted that if we’re going to delve into the multiverse for comparators to our own reality, we should probably look at some of the others.

Political analyst David Matthews told us, “I’m a big fan of basing any political criticism on our own reality, and things directly observable in our own plane of existence, but if that’s the direction that Boris supporters want to go, then so be it.  Let’s play that game.

“Did you know there is one alternative universe in which Jeremy Corbyn’s blood was found to be the secret to a complete cure to Coronavirus, and that he’s now not only a hero here in the UK, but around the entire world as the saviour of millions of lives? No? Well, he is.

“Also, the hastily constructed Jeremy Corbyn theme park is now the planet’s number one tourist attraction, which has seen economic growth surge to record levels – so maybe we should compare Boris Johnson’s first year to that specific alternative reality?”

Williams retorted, “That’s completely ridiculous, you can’t just hallucinate an alternative reality and then use that to criticise Boris.

“Oh.”

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