Tuesday 12 January 2021

Government warns ‘If you don’t follow the rules we’ll make them even more complicated’


New rules

The government has warned today that if people do not follow the current ambiguous rules surrounding coronavirus restrictions, they will have no option but to make them even more complicated.

With some groups, and the Prime Minister, consistently ‘flexing’ the current lockdown rules, senior ministers have revealed today that if the current flawed, misleading and frankly confusing restrictions already in place cannot be followed by the public, they will have to be made even tougher… to understand.

A spokesperson for the government revealed, “We’ve tried to make the rules as complicated a possible as you know, so we can cover ourselves for almost every eventuality when they inevitably fail.

“There is also a very clear contrast in what we are actually saying in most of the advice, which of course is very confusing, and therefore perfect to enable us to blame the public instead of ourselves.

“For example, everybody knows that you should only leave the house for exercise, or essential food shopping and medication. which is why McDonald’s and KFC are still open along with Curry’s, Next and Argos so you can go and collect your new toaster.

“And the exercise must be local, which means definitely within a mile or two of your house, or three, or ten or something.

“And rest assured, if people cannot follow these rules to the letter, we will have no hesitation in making them extremely complicated indeed, within days.”

Asked what the rules changes could be if infections continue to rise we were told, “I’ll let you know later, I’m still trying to get my head around it.”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!

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