Friday 8 January 2021 by Dan Sweryt

Trump confirms he won’t attend Biden inauguration as he will already be in jail


Trump will be in prison

President-de-elect Donald Trump has confirmed he won’t be at President Biden’s inauguration as he’ll be too busy being in prison.

In a rare moment of prescience and self-awareness, Donald Trump has revealed the reason for not attending Biden’s inauguration is not because he’s a big baby, a stroppy narcissist or bitter about the whole election thing, but because he’s about to be arrested for inciting an insurrection of his own position.

Trump said, “Although it may appear like I’m just a really bad loser, I’m not.

“In fact, I’m the best loser! A really great, great loser! The best loser!

“Now, instead of complaining about us not having our freedom, mine is about to be taken away, as I’m thrown in a jail cell for inciting a riot.

“I would have RSVP’d my invite apologising in advance, but – as an isolationist, it is inevitable I will turn on everyone – so it’s a pointless exercise.

“Get these handcuffs off me. How am I supposed to grab your pussy when I’m restrained like this?! I can barely fondle myself!”

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