Thursday 7 January 2021 by Davywavy

New edition of Warhammer to be set in Washington DC


Games workshop

The next edition of Games Workshop’s game of terrifying, chaotic despair and sudden violence will be set in Washington DC just after one of the President’s speeches, the company has confirmed.

The game, which features pitched battles between bizarre agents of chaos and authoritarian bully-boys is a ‘perfect fit’ for the setting

“Regular players needn’t worry too much about the changes,” a Games Workshop spokesman told us.

“The two main factions will have the same objectives they do now; one will spill forth in an orgy of destruction in service to a mindless overlord who neither knows nor cares they even exist, and the other will worship an ancient being who is probably dead but nobody wants to admit it.

“There’ll still be a race of gaudily-dressed, raging, fat shortarses who are willing to shoot you at the drop of a hat, but they’ll all be carrying confederate flags and MAGA hats.

“And the ratmen remain essentially unchanged, they’re just called QAnon now and do most of their fighting from behind a keyboard.”

When asked about the Inquisition, Games Workshop they’d be in the setting as well – they’ll just cancel worlds instead of exterminatusing them.

Players of Warhammer have raised concerns about the new setting, saying that the levels of violence might become ‘unacceptably high’.

“Yes, I might play through the cruelty and confusion of untold legions of hellish, inhuman warriors set amongst the inevitable destruction of entire civilisations, but this game has Ted Cruz in it,” player Simon Williams told us.

“I mean, surely that’s taking it one step too far?”

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