Experts warn dogging “could be extinct by mid-February”

author avatar by 2 years ago

Much like many of its participants, the dogging scene is on its knees.

A perfect storm of lockdown restrictions and freezing temperatures have seen instances of the popular outdoor rutting pursuit drop by 98.7% in the last quarter of 2020, with only one dogging event taking place just outside Scunthorpe.

“It’s terribly sad,” said dogging enthusiast, Simon Williams, who asked not to be named.

“Ejaculating over a stranger’s windscreen while watching them make love is one of life’s many great joys, that has unfortunately disappeared over the last 10 months or so.

“It’s particularly galling as the price of fuel has plummeted, so the cost of a meet ‘n’ beat would have been so much more manageable.

“Don’t get me wrong, we’ve tried having a go over Zoom but it just isn’t the same – plus cleaning the keyboard has been a nightmare.”

Dogging expert, Dr. Hayley Rice, said, “I don’t know why I bothered with a PhD in dogging. It’s disgusting.

“Anyway, if we don’t see an end to both the cold weather and the lockdown restrictions very soon, we could see an end to strangers meeting up in a deserted car park to have it off with each other.

“And that would be terribly sad, for them.”