Wednesday 6 January 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Government issues new advice to run around with your pants on your head screaming


man panicking

The government has issued urgent new health advice for people to run around with their pants on their head screaming.

The new recommendations come in the wake of Boris Johnson admitting they’ve run out of ideas and have absolutely no idea how to keep the public safe.

“Alas, our previous, valiant attempts to stave off this terrible virus have come to naught,” said the ridiculous buffoon at a press conference yesterday.

“As such, all we can really do now is recommend that everyone simply runs around with their pants on their head screaming.

“We’ve literally got nothing else.”

To illustrate the new guidelines, Mr Johnson showed a series of slides with some graphs on them followed by another series of slides with some pants on them.

Mr Johnson confirmed that he, personally, will be acting on the recommendations.

“I believe I am pencilled in to run up and down Downing Street with my pants on my head screaming between 5 and 5.30 this evening. We’ve all got to do our part.”

After his announcement of the new recommendations, the Prime Minister was asked if running around with your pants on your head screaming would help stave off the virus in any way.

“Not really,” he replied, “but then, it probably won’t hurt, either. So that’s an improvement on some of our other advice, isn’t it?”

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