UK voters starting to wonder if leaving pandemic response to man who can’t use a comb was such a good idea

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After a lockdown announced barely hours after Boris Johnson told people to send their kids in school, parts of the British electorate are starting to question the wisdom of leaving vital matters of government in the hands of an idler who can’t perform basic grooming functions.

A recent YouGov poll indicated that, if a General Election were held today, English voters might actually take their responsibilities seriously and demand a leader who isn’t a Benny Hill tribute act.

Red Wall tory convert Simon Williams was one of many who now thinks he might have been hasty in handing over the reins of power during a crisis to someone who struggles with coherent speech, dressing himself and counting his own children.

“I’m not making excuses, but when I voted for the bumbling toff whose only Cabinet post is universally acknowledged as the worst Foreign Secretary in British history, I only thought he would have to deal with the seismic changes provoked by Brexit. How was I supposed to know he would also have to make important decisions about other things like pandemics?

“Of course, hindsight is a wonderful thing and it’s very easy now for people to claim they didn’t want the vast powers of government entrusted to a man who runs into fridges, steals phones from journalists or stares into the distance while talking about painting buses. But I had to make a decision with what I knew at the time.

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“Would I do the same now? Perhaps not.”

However, Mr Williams would not throw his support behind Keir Starmer yet, as he first wished to see how the new Labour leader would drive a forklift through cardboard boxes.