Tuesday 5 January 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Slow vaccine rollout due to delivery contract being awarded to Hermes


hermes vaccine delivery contract

The slow pace of delivery of covid vaccines has been explained.

A freedom of information request reveals that the contract for delivery of the vaccines was awarded to fragile-contents-punting enthusiasts, Hermes.

“Unbelievable,” muttered Doctor Simon Williams, retrieving yet another box of vaccines from the roof of the hospital.

“How on EARTH did these get up there? This building has six stories!

“Also, our reception is staffed 24/7… seriously, it would have been so much less effort to actually deliver these properly.

“This level of fuckery is objectively impressive.”

Meanwhile, Doctor Hayley Rice confirmed, “Our container of vaccines was punted through a maternity wing window.

“While the accuracy of the kick is to be admired, these vaccines are supposed to be delivered via a refrigerated container to a nominated recipient, rather than via drop-kick into an unsuspecting midwife’s face.”

A government spokesperson said, “Yes, of course Boris went to school with whoever owns Hermes.

“They bonded over a mutual love of promising to deliver things and then failing.”

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