Elite sport locked down following lengthy VAR review

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After Elite sport was originally allowed to carry on during the latest lockdown, it has been sensationally disallowed after a lengthy VAR review.

Unspectacular man entrenched in an awful defence, Boris Johnson, said, “I thought I’d managed to get the continuation of elite sport over the line.

“I ran away screaming with my arms held aloft, whilst my wily creatives – Gove and Rees-Mogg – and even those that are being carried by the rest of the team – like Williamson – jumped on me in both celebration and direct contravention of social distancing measures, earning them both a caution and Rees-Mogg a ban for the next two lockdowns having just returned to service.

“Then, like everyone else, we had to stop mid-celebration, for an uncomfortably long time, as we realised VAR was looking at the decision in some depth.

“After a delay of many hours, it was clear that what I thought was a simple tap-in – one rule for the rich, another for you poor people – had been disallowed, with replays clearly showing nonsense about everybody being equal or something, as though this is some sort social democracy.

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“Obviously I disagree vehemently with the decision, but as the referee has made a decision, we’re unable to appeal.”

The opening of nurseries and Early Years provision is still under review as it appears the decision had been in Gavin Williamson’s hands, with VAR showing him dropping it several times.