The European Research Group elite ‘star chamber’, consisting of their finest minds with almost proportional necks, has declared it would support the Brexit deal after a retired TV actor in bad drag pretended to lose it while they screamed and pointed at the document.
MP Simon Williams, a staunch Brexiter known to his friends as ‘The Racist Garden Gnome’, said that his group of dedicated eurosceptics could now approve the trade deal, because they had spent two hours clapping gleefully to a man who sang funny songs about fish quotas.
“I wasn’t sure about it at first, because it did not start with a 3-page rant about how foreigners are smelly.
“But then Boris made us sit down on the floor and some bloke that was in Corrie 10 years ago prat-fell around while others danced and sang the story of Lord Frost going to Brussels with his cat Brittania.
“It was a magical experience made all the more special because they involved us in the briefing.
“We had to spot the nasty Eurojudges when they crept in from the side and shout a warning to Frosty. I was the first to see them and I shouted the loudest! Then the actors gave me a colourful feather duster and we all went on stage to say how much we approve the deal.
“So now I can back Boris to the hilt because he made my Christmas so special and he promised me there would be no more Polish people to make me feel small and stupid.
“Do you want to see my collection of Golliwogs?”