I actually don’t mind pickled onion Monster Munch, says man who lost tastebuds in tragic accident

author avatar by 3 years ago

A man with severely malfunctioning tastebuds thinks pickled onion flavour Monster Munch are basically sort of okay.

Medical science has been left frustrated following attempts to repair the man’s taste buds following a tragic tasting accident, especially after he said “Mmm, not bad,” rather than vomiting copiously after eating some pickled onion Monster Munch.

“It really is quite extraordinary,” said Professor of Tastebuds Simon Williams.

“A normal reaction to placing a pickled onion Monster Munch onto your tongue would be to become so overwhelmed with the appalling sourness that your face folds in on itself from the mouth outwards until it becomes completely concave.

“At the very least, I would expect the consumer to immediately lose seventy percent of their bodily fluid through their tear ducts. Indeed, severe dehydration is one of the main risks associated with pickled onion Monster Munch.

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“But this man, who obviously can’t be named for reasons of confidentiality, simply said, ‘Yeah, that’s alright innit?’ and then ATE ANOTHER ONE!

“Usually people only buy pickled onion Monster Munch by mistake and they’ll instantly realise their error when their acidity levels suddenly spike to Priti Patel levels.

“But Patient X represents a profound tragedy that, in a strange way, is a fitting end to a very weird year.”

In a worrying development, the man is now believed to actively like salt and vinegar crisps – particularly when they come in a green packet.

“The job of a doctor is to try to cure all patients, no matter how much of a lost cause they seem to be,” said Professor Williams.

“However, I’m veering towards euthanasia on this one.”