Unfortunate lorry drivers stuck overnight on motorways in and around Kent, unable to move due to the border closure, will be charged council tax for ‘residing’ in the area.
Tory councillor and capitalist bastard Simon Williams, said, “I hate to sound callous. Well, that’s not true: I actually love to sound callous, it’s part of who I am. But anyway, these people, however much they did not plan to, have been officially residing on these motorways and lorry parks for this period of border closure.
“Thus, they have entered into an unwritten contract with the local government and are liable for an appropriate council tax charge.
“Obviously, the charge will differ depending upon which constituency you’re in. Tory voters will be charged a mammoth amount for sitting there as we can’t seem to change their mind whatever we do, so we might as well milk them for all they’re worth.
“We are not entirely without heart though, and any person in a lorry on their own can claim the single person’s discount.
“Let’s not forget, this rampant monetisation of everything is what the ordinary folk voted for by proxy of electing consecutive Tory governments in 2015, 2017 and again last year. So it is exactly what they want.
“In order to generate as much cash as humanly possible, going forward, we will be monetising everything inhumanly possible, including snow that lands in your garden, the air you breathe and, hopefully, the vacuum of space; because there is loads of that.”
Next year will see the introduction of the controversial ‘Proton Surcharge’, where UK citizens will be charged for every proton in their body and immediate locality.