Monday 21 December 2020 by Davywavy

Government unveils new guidelines to help people avoid being exposed to Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’

Boris Music warning

An outbreak of Whamaggedon has resulted in additional measures being put in place to help members of the public avoid exposure to George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley, the government has announced this morning.

“Last Christmas”, whose symptoms include plaintive warbling and a sense of terrible, sinking disappointment, has been cropping up all over the country, and specialists have advised Britain to avoid corner shops and branches of Clintons Cards with festive compilation CDs playing.

Building contractors, plumbers and electricians with their work radio tuned to Heart FM are deemed an especially high risk of transmission, as are dentists waiting rooms.

“You can reduce the risk of getting Whammed by travelling alone in a car and only listening to Classic Fm or Kerrang! radio,” said Chief Medical Officer Chris Whitty.

“Under no circumstance let your dad or girlfriend choose the channel are there is a substantial risk they will tune to Radio 2 or Kiss FM, and the consequences of that could be catastrophic.

“And if you possibly can, shop at Waitrose as they only play Val Doonican and Cliff Richard at this time of year so you should be safe.”

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