Brexiters left stunned after several EU countries demonstrate easy control of their own borders

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Leave voters were left reeling this morning after learning that a number of continental countries had somehow managed to control their own borders whilst still being part of the European Union.

France, Italy, Germany and Belgium have all banned flights and ferries from the UK into their countries, in an attempt to prevent the spread of toxic nationalist right-wing populist ideology, and also the Coronavirus.

Simon Williams, from Dover, was stunned by the news. “They, they just can’t DO that!” he stuttered, turning a new and deeper hue of gammon.

“Nigel Farage told us that being in the EU meant we couldn’t control our own borders and yet those countries are part of the EU, and have only gone and bloody controlled their own borders – just like THAT!

“Surely that wasn’t all a lie to get us to vote for an economically catastrophic break from our largest trading partner just to line the pockets of disaster capitalists like him… was it?”

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One French citizen, Christophe James, told us – after he had stopped laughing – “Oui, it turned out to be remarkably easy to control our border. We just, you know, said ‘Let’s shut the border with plague island’ and within a few hours the restrictions were in place.

“After all, what does Britain have to offer us at the moment apart from lengthy delays at the border crossing and a new and more virulent strain of COVID-19?”

According to reports, a number of builders were seen this morning bricking up the Channel Tunnel from the Calais end.