Monday 21 December 2020 by Lucas Wilde

2020 to squeeze in a plague of locusts just before new year


Plague of Locusts

The good news just keeps on coming.

Just as you thought 2020 couldn’t get any worse, forecasters are now predicting a plague of locusts will arrive during that weird bit between Boxing Day and New Year’s Eve.

“Yep,” sighed professional plague forecaster, Simon Williams.

“I checked the tea leaves, the crystal ball and the mother-in-law’s urine, and they all say the same thing: locusts. A plague of locusts. Just before New Year’s Eve.

“Dunno why, you’d think this year had kicked us in the nuts enough times, I guess we’re going out with a bang, if nothing else.”

The general public were less than enthused when told of the upcoming plague.

“What’s a locust?” asked Hayley Rice, a lamppost cleaner from Stoke Newington.

“Really? Ugh, that’s going to be inconvenient.

“Although to be honest, I’m kind of numb to bad news at this point. I might just lie in the back garden and let the locusts wash over me while cackling. Seems an appropriate way to end the year, if you ask me.”

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