Sunday 20 December 2020

Man busy practising ‘disappointed face’ in mirror after Tier 4 saves him from Christmas dinner with in-laws

Man practising disappointed face in mirror

A Berkshire man is this morning busy practising his disappointed face after learning that the new Tier 4 restrictions mean he will no longer have to host his in-laws on Christmas and Boxing Day.

After the government announced yesterday that they were cancelling their previously announced relaxing of the rules on social gathering for Christmas, the misery experienced by many has been countered by the joy experienced by a lucky few.

“I wasn’t particularly looking forward to it,” explained 33-year-old Simon Williams.

“It’s been a crap year, so I wasn’t keen on spending two of the supposedly best days of the year with people who don’t particularly like the fact that I’ve impregnated their daughter twice; despite them loving the resultant humans.

“Sure, they won’t get to see the grandkids in person at Christmas, which isn’t very nice for them, but on the other hand, I won’t have to endure 48 hours of passive-aggressive criticism of my parenting style and how much I’m holding back their daughter.

“Plus I don’t have to go to all the trouble of trying to impress them with a fancy Christmas dinner, because the kids won’t eat the vegetables whatever I do to them, so that’s a load of saved effort.

“All I need to do is convince the wife that this is terrible news, Boris is a bastard, and I wish her mum and dad could still come for Christmas.  So if you don’t mind, I need to get back to practising in the mirror, because right now I’m struggling to hide my delight.”

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