Thursday 17 December 2020 by Pete Redfern

Santa only offering ‘Click & Collect’ this year


Santa doing click and collect only this Christmas

Santa has cancelled his usual home delivery service this year due to the pandemic, it has emerged.

Father Christmas issued the official announcement from the North Pole this morning, in which he outlined the reasons for his decision, a copy of which is below:

“Ding dong merrily on Hi all,

It is with regret that I am informing you that I will not be doing the usual home delivery of presents on Christmas Eve, as has traditionally been my custom.

I have heard about the pandemic which has crippled the world this year via my army of elves on shelves, and I do not want to risk catching it. It sounds quite dreadful, to be honest.

I am extremely vulnerable, given that I am over four hundred years old, I am overweight, and I am of course a diabetic, which is only to be expected what with there being around all these candy-canes, mince pies and Christmas puddings being made in the factory next to my house all year round.

Also, Rudolph’s red nose seems to have got even redder, and I am concerned that this might be a symptom of COVID-19, and as such he is isolating for two weeks, meaning I have lost the light to guide my sleigh, as well as valuable reindeer power.

As such, I am afraid that I can only offer a ‘Click and Collect’ service for all the presents this year. Just head up to the North Pole and follow the signs for ‘Click and Collect Point A’.

Oh, and be prepared for snow-drifts, sub-zero temperatures and polar bear attacks – it is not the picturesque, Christmas card like idyll that you’d imagine it is up here.

Apologies again for the inconvenience,
Father Christmas”

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