Wednesday 16 December 2020 by Lucas Wilde

“You won’t be arrested for your Christmas plans, you’ll just be blamed” confirms Boris


Boris Johnson on Christmas restrictions

Boris Johnson will be blaming you rather than arresting you this Christmas.

The former honey monster and current Prime Minister made clear that people should have as quiet a Christmas as possible, but absolutely nobody is going to be arrested in the event of a thirty person blowout.

“Let me be clear,” said the Prime Minister, breaking with the habit a lifetime.

“We are not going to be legally enforcing the idea that nobody should visit other households, but we are going to ask you NICELY that you see as few people as possible.

“Then, when you inevitably DON’T do that, we will be pointing the finger of blame squarely at you in the run-up to Valentine’s Day, for which we will ask you nicely not to fuck anybody.

“Then, when you don’t do that we’ll blame you again in the run-up to Easter, and so the whole merry-go-round of public responsibility continues to whizz round with no blame on me or this government whatsoever.

“Merry Christmas, thickos!”

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