Wednesday 16 December 2020 by Mark Molloy

‘If anyone dies it’s all your fault’ government tells nation


Boris common sense

The government is set to amend its guidance for households mixing over Christmas later today to include no changes to the rules whatsoever, but with the added caveat that if anyone does die as a result of mixing over Christmas, it will all be your fault entirely.

With pressure mounting from many areas to review the current rules for Christmas mixing due to a sharp rise in infections, senior government sources have revealed whilst the guidelines are unlikely to change, it will now be considered all your fault for not ‘using your judgement’ if anyone dies after visiting family.

Speaking earlier a spokesman for the government revealed “We have decided to blame the public themselves for any excess deaths over Christmas, and just keep the rules as they are.

“After much consideration surrounding the increase in infections, and listening to a number of arguments from both sides of the debate, we have concluded that it’s much too difficult for us to work out so we will just do nothing instead.

“We have, however, updated our message to incorporate the words ‘use your own judgement’ to allow us to escape any blame whatsoever for an increase in infections and deaths in the new year.

“That way millions of people across the country can spend the entire Christmas holidays riddled with guilt regardless of whether they decide to see loved ones or not.”

Asked what advice he would now give to people trying to decide how to spend Christmas he told us, “Not our problem mate, it’s all on you guys now.”

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