Tuesday 15 December 2020 by Mark Molloy

‘New variant’ of incompetence identified in Government


Matt Hancock reveals new variant of incompetence

A new variant of incompetence has been identified in Government, as revealed today by the health secretary Matt Hancock.

With recent figures showing a sharp increase in the number of flawed and illogical decisions made by the government in recent days, news has emerged today of a new, far more dangerous level of incompetence which is said to be increasing exponentially in a number of areas of government.

Speaking earlier today, a concerned Matt Hancock revealed, “We have unfortunately become aware of a new variant of complete and utter incompetence within a number of areas of our government.

“Obviously levels of incompetence have been consistently high throughout most areas of the government for a number of months now, but recently this has developed into a worrying new variant which largely involves conflicting messages, irrational advice and ill-thought-through rules on a level not seen during the course of the pandemic.”

Pointing to a specific area of incompetence within the new variant, he told us, “If we look at restrictions, for example, the incompetency levels are so high that there is a clear risk to lives of a very large scale.

“On the one hand, we are forcing the majority of the country into urgent stricter lockdown measures, days ahead of a scheduled review, in order to try to save lives, whilst letting everyone do what the fuck they want just one week later for the whole of Christmas.”

Asked what other areas of government the new variant has reached, we were told, “You’ve seen what we’re doing about Brexit, right?”

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