Monday 14 December 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Nigel Farage goes off in his pants following gunboat announcement

nigel Farage going off in his pants

It’s has been confirmed that leading red-faced shouty man Nigel Farage has gone off in his pants following the announcement that Royal Navy gunboats will patrol British coastal waters to protect some fish from French people.

At the announcement at the weekend, Mr Farage’s red face is reported to have screwed up in an angry rictus of ecstasy as a tiny wet patch appeared on the front of his burgundy fucking trousers.

“I can confirm that, like all true British patriots, I went off in my pants at the thought of Britain’s magnificent Navy taking to the seas to defend our brave fish from the malicious garlic-stained fingers of the dastardly French.

“I immediately took off my trousers and pants and placed them in the washing machine but unfortunately the soapy water reminded me of the magnificent waves that Britannia rules with such pride and dignity and I went off again all over the floor.

“Happily, Gertrud the housekeeper was on hand no give the floor a jolly good mop and hang my pants and burgundy fucking trousers up to dry.”

Thanks to the quick thinking of Mr Farage and his housekeeper, all traces of having gone off in his pants were eliminated, and he was ready for his hourly appearance on the BBC to bang on, red-faced and shouty, about some fucking thing or other.

It is also understood that fellow red-faced shouty man Mark Francois’s member has remained erect for the 48 hours following the gunboat announcement and he is currently seeking medical advice on how to bring the tumescence safely to a close.

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