Saturday 12 December 2020 by Chris Ballard

Can we decide fishing rights by using spitfires to recreate the Battle of Britain, plead WWII obsessed Brexiters

Spitfires to fight for fishing rights

Brexiters desperate to have lived through World War II want British fishing rights to be won back by dogfighting foreigners above the English Channel.

Brexit supporters have agreed that misty-eyed, violent air supremacy is the perfect way to secure modern-day fishing supremacy.

“The Battle of Britain is probably my single proudest moment,” said Brexiter Simon Williams, who was born in 1969.

“Let’s secure our Channel fishing rights with some good old-fashioned dogfights!

“We’ll do it properly this time – all our pilots will be Brits, not Poles or Frogs or whatever dregs we were forced to use last time.

“To make it even more fun all the EU pilots, whatever their nationality, can fly Messerschmitts, complete with those evil grinning faces on the nose. We could even refer to them has ‘the Luftwaffe’ just, you know, to make things easier to understand.

“And our boys will obviously use spitfires!

“We don’t have many working spitfires? Well, then we can make some!

“If we all pull together we can soon get a spitfire factory up and running – maybe even get the women out of the kitchen and assembling parts with their little lady hands.

“The side with the least dead pilots after, say, a month will be declared the winners.

“This is gonna be fun – we’ll soon have those foreign dogs scurrying back to the European mainland, leaving the fish to be caught by their rightful owners.

“After all, that was the entire point of the Second World War. Unless I’ve missed something?”

Simon then ran off, arms outstretched, making machine gun noises with his mouth.

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