Saturday 12 December 2020 by Pete Redfern

British fish to be given blue passports so EU fishermen know they are ours, proposes Boris


blue passports for fish

Boris Johnson has come up with an ingenious solution to avoid the impending English Channel gunboat wars of 2021.

With the UK rapidly heading towards January 1st with an Iraqi-style trade deal with the EU and the tabloids screaming about sending gunboats to protect our waters, the Prime Minister has come up with a solution that unsurprisingly involves blue sodding passports.

“I’m a genius,” declared a hungover Boris Johnson to reporters this morning.

“You see, due to the sheer childishness of the EU negotiators not giving me exactly what I want in return for nothing, it is looking like we will have no trade deal – I mean, a brilliant Australian-style trade deal – with the EU from January, and as such we need to prepare for war over fish, or something.

“I don’t know, I never read my Prime Ministerial briefs.”

He went on, “It’s a matter of sovereignty – British fish for British people! All fish in our waters will be given a tiny blue passport, which John Redwood MP will personally staple to their sides, so that if any nasty Frenchman pull them out of the water they will be obliged to throw them back in.

“They must respect the blue passports of our fish, as nations around the world respect our new blue passports!”

One French fisherman, Simon, responded by laughing and saying, “Hang on, let me get this straight – any fish that goes into British waters is suddenly a British fish to be protected at all costs, but any refugees who go into British waters are left to drown or chased away?

“It’s almost as if Boris Johnson has absolutely no clue about anything.”

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