Friday 11 December 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Christmas ghosts not even bothering to try with Boris Johnson this year

Ghost of Christmas not bothering with Boris this year

The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future have announced that they’re not even going to bother trying to get Boris Johnson to mend his ways this year.

Since Victorian times, the three ghosts have traditionally attempted to get the most mean, cruel and unpleasant people in the country to change their ways, however with Boris Johnson, they believe that it would be a complete waste of everyone’s time.

“Ebenezer Scrooge was the most awful man in London,” boomed the Ghost of Christmas Present.

“Tight-fisted, cruel, and dreadful to the core. But still, we always felt like there was a chance with him. But, Boris Johnson? Let’s be serious.”

The ghost, known to friends as Simon Williams, went on to explain that they’d started work on a series of visions to make the Prime Minister change his ways.

“Problem was, it’s would have taken until Boxing Day to get through all the awful things he’s done in the past. The proroguing Parliament thing, the Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe thing, the incompetence of the Covid response, the corruption, the endless, constant racism.

“It would have just taken ages.”

Instead, the ghosts have decided that they’ll just take the evening off instead.

“No, we thought about giving Rees-Mogg a try, but that would be an even bigger job than Johnson, so we’re just going to stay at home on Christmas with some cans in and the Mrs Brown’s Boys special on the telly.”

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