Friday 11 December 2020 by Davywavy and Raggedyman

Boris Johnson praised for staying with Brexit longer than anything else he’s f**ked


Boris Johnson fucked brexit

Critics of Boris Johnson have been forced to eat their words today after it emerged he’s stuck with Brexit longer than anything else he’s ever fucked.

Johnson, who is well known for sticking his cock in things and then running off when it started to turn serious, got together with Brexit almost five years ago and has remained with it through three wives and seventeen girlfriends, several of them his own.

Brexit has described the fucking it got off Johnson as being ‘fumblingly inept and simultaneously brief but also seeming to last forever’, and told us that every time it thought Boris had gone for good he’d pop back up on the doorstep with a bunch of flowers he’d found taped to a lamppost looking for a few more jollies.

“It’s completely out of character,” several of his ex-girlfriends told us in perfect unison.

“Normally he just spaffs all over the shop and then he nips down the drainpipe outside the bathroom window before you know he’s gone.”

“What, that happened to you too?” They asked each other, also in perfect unison whilst looking around in surprise.

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!

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