Wednesday 9 December 2020

Ole-Gunnar Solskjaer to advise Boris Johnson on European exits that delight a nation


Ole Gunnar Solskjaer to advise government

Manchester United manager Ole-Gunnar Solskjaer is today advising Boris Johnson on the best way to leave Europe whilst simultaneously delighting the vast majority of people who watch you doing it.

After failing to broker a deal with the EU over the last year, Johnson is facing the uncertainty and unpopularity of a no-deal Brexit, and has therefore called in Ole to make his European exit seem much more palatable.

A Whitehall insider explained, “Ole has spent the last couple of seasons taking Manchester United out of Europe, or simply avoiding it altogether, yet the whole country smiles while he does it.  Simply put, Boris wants some of that.

“He wants to find himself taking us out of Europe, and have the whole country behind him smiling whilst he does so. And who better to help you with that than Manchester United?”

Experts have said the government’s move is a good one, and that if there was one organisation as universally unpopular as the current government, it was Manchester United.

A spokesperson for the Old Trafford club told reporters, “We wish Ole the very best of luck in his new advisory role.  I believe his first words were, ‘you need to make everyone think you believe you’re absolutely entitled to be in Europe’ – that will amplify any sense of schadenfreude when you leave’.

“That’s really good advice, I’m sure you’ll agree.

“If Manchester United had actually wanted to be out of Europe so often in the last few years, then I’m sure you can imagine how disappointed people would have been that they were actually out of Europe.

“As it is, most people are still laughing, hours and hours after it happened.”

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