First UK vaccine recipient appears on Bill Gates’ mass surveillance system

author avatar by 4 years ago

The first UK recipient of the Pfizer Covid vaccine has successfully popped up on Bill Gates’ universal monitoring system after a few minor glitches.

Simone Williams, 91, of Doncaster, received the jab containing thousands of tiny microchips, which will enable Gates to monitor her bowel movements when he isn’t busy trafficking kids with Hilary Clinton.

In addition to remote surveillance, the Pfizer jab will allow users of advanced mobile phones to become severely autistic, enabling them to complete the cryptic crossword in the Times in under five minutes and be good at IT.

Williams was given the jab at 0631 GMT, which when written backwards and multiplied by 1.1134 spells 0666, the number found on various car number plates.

Meanwhile, Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, has dubbed today “5G-Day” and said he was thrilled to see the roll-out of vaccines, but urged people to keep their phones switched on or the chips wouldn’t work.

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Hancock warned the UK public that “we still have a long march” ahead of us, which will follow a long December, an equally long January, and a slightly shorter February.

Mrs Williams said, “I’m so delighted to be the first to receive the jab and I’m so very grateful to Matron and the NHS for doing such a great job of shielding me from powerful gamma radiation.”

She added, “This life-saving vaccine would have potentially enabled me to spend Christmas time with my dear family, whom I’ve missed so very much over the past nine months.

“But unfortunately due to cunts like Johnson and Matt Hancock, they are all dead.”