Monday 7 December 2020 by Arabin Patson

Millwall fans explain they booed BLM to refute Engel’s first law of dialectical materialism


Millwall fans

The notoriously erudite supporters of Millwall FC have sought to clarify that they booed players taking the knee on Saturday, not as another episode in their long history of racist thuggery, but to express disdain with the ‘ultra-woke’ Heraclitean postulate of speculative thought centred on opposites.

Simon Williams, a leading member of Millwall’s polymath discussion group, the renowned Bushwackers, told fellow scholars about the misunderstanding during an impromptu symposium held in a pub with barbed wire on the roof.

Speaking while sharpening the edges of pound coins, he went on, “It’s an oft held belief that we are a bunch of reactionary thugs simply because our fan base has become a byword for ‘violent bigot’.

“But the real reason we booed the players kneeling in support of Black Lives Matter is that we deduced that a key flaw in parametric determinism is the unsupported leap towards the embrace of unfounded utopian objectives.”

Mr Williams, who has been Millwall’s leading intellectual since he partially blinded a policewoman with a broken bottle in 1998, said he lamented the instant judgement frequently bestowed on him and other quinquagenarian brawlers with poorly spelt neck tattoos.

“Just because we take a childish pride in being figures of hate and base our whole identity on tribal violence, doesn’t mean it’s not simplistic to say that a verbal attack on a symbol of solidarity with BAME people is a logical sequel to dozens of previous racist incidents.

“And I’ll do in any cunt that says we’re Max Weber groupies. Personally, I oppose BLM as I view it as antithetical to the sociological observations of Ibn Khaldun in the Muqaddimah, a copy of which never leaves my side.

“Like my Stanley knife.”

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